Wanted: Cat Exorcist

My cat (Hinata) is not a normal cat. For one thing she constantly wants attention. If I am sitting still, she thinks I should be petting her. If I’m working at my desk at home, she tries to get between my hands and the computer keys so I can pet her. When the alarm goes off in the morning she tries to cover the clock with her body, so I will pet her. When she’s not trying to be petted, she is laying or rubbing up against me. Now I know these are things all cats do, I’ve had cats for a long time. But, cats also like to ignore you, act like they could care less if you notice them or not. They like to make it perfectly clear that they don’t need you. Hinata is totally clingy, and she never ignores me.

Also, she doesn’t do things all other cats do. She won’t chase string or any of the other stuff cats are usually so interested in chasing. She will chase a little electronic pointer light. She’ll chase that thing all day, and it’s not like she doesn’t know where it comes from. When the light disappears, she’ll give you a look that says you’d better get that thing tuned back on, and I mean right now!! Catnip has no effect on her, but she goes crazy over lavender. Also, she’s never done that hide and pounce thing that cats are usually so excited about.

Also, noise totally freaks her out. You know how cats love the sound of crinkly thing, especially things they can make crinkle? She just freaks. Same with paper. My other cats all liked to shred paper and hear it make a russeling sound. They favorites were paper sacks and newspaper. Not Hinata, the only paper she likes to shred is toilet paper.

She follows me around like a dog. She moves with me from one room to another, and never wants me out of her site. Of course while she’s following me around she is getting caught up in my feet. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stepped on her or her tail. I think she may be trying to trip me. In fact, I think she might have mapped out a whole campaign to kill me!

She likes to sleep with me, cuddled up. For several days I was having a really difficult time walking because my hip was hurting like crazy. I had just about decided I needed to go see the doctor. One night I woke up and discovered the cat was sleep on that hip. I pushed her off, but she got right back on. I finally put her out of the room and shut the door. Guess what? My hip didn’t hurt the next morning.

Another night I had a dream I was drowning and couldn’t catch my breath. I woke up finally and found Hinata in my face. I put her out again. In fact, it’s now standard practice to close my bedroom door so she can’t get in.

I’ve got to tell you, I’m getting a little nervous worrying about what she is plotting. I mean she’s alone at home all day, with nothing to do but eat, sleep and stare out the window. She could be at home right now cleverly clawing through a chair leg so the next time I sit in it I’ll break my neck. Maybe I should for a cat exorcist.