Phones, secret admirers and flashers

I’ve had five hang-up calls at work today. This is very unusual and it has me wondering if it’s the same person trying the same wrong number over and over again, or is it five different people calling and then hanging up on me? If it’s one caller they’re either a slow learner or an eternal optimist. If it’s five different people that’s quite a coincidence. Either way it’s strange.

I remember when I was a teenager calling a guy’s house to hear his voice when he answered. How lame is that? And yet we’ve all done it. Maybe I have a secret admirer!! Lets see, who could it be? That cute hunky guy from IKEA? No, I never talked to him and he’s young enough to be my son, and you all know how I feel about that. (see What the hell were you thinking?) Toby Keith? One of the best things about him is his voice so if he’s not talking that’s a real loss. Adrian Paul? (TV Highlander) He’s all eye candy so maybe I need a video phone. Wow, having a secret admire, that would be……….just wrong. A secret admirer is something that sounds cool and romantic until you really think about it, and then it feels creepy.

In my old crime prevention days something like this might have worried me. There were times when the bad guys or the crazies would make threats. I’ve been threaten, chased and followed at different times. So if this is the same person and they are trying to intimidate me then it’s not working. Heck, they aren’t even breathing into the phone. I never really understood why breathing feels so threatening to people. I think it’s the sign of a person too stupid to come up with something to say, or it’s someone having an asthma attach.

Thinking back to my crime prevention days and the things that freak people out. I remember there was a time when we had a flasher hanging out (hahaha) in a local park. He liked to jump out in front of women on the trails and expose himself. The women would freak, and most of the time call the cops crying. I always wondered how bad his equipment had to be to make them cry. I always thought that the best way to defeat a flasher was to point and laugh. If you really want to aggressive, carry a can of neon spray paint and whip it out and give his a shot. That way when you called the cops you can tell them to look for the guy spray painted bright orange. I bet he’d keep his zipper up after that, at least until the paint wore off.

I never understood why people would be afraid of a flasher, they’re really pathetic when you think about it. Here’s a guy that gets all excited about doing something that most little boys grow out of at around 3 or 4 years old. I remember a long time ago seeing a cartoon of a little boy showing his stuff to a little girl and saying, “See what I got, you don’t have one of these.” The little girl pulls up her dress and show him her stuff and says, “With one of these I can all of those I want.” So basically guys just need to stop thinking Fraud was right about that penis envy thing. Can you believe the western world of psychology takes this guy seriously? Talk about something being wrong!

I’m turning my phone off for the day and going out in the sun and ignoring everyone. Have a nice day!