Disturbing emails for Mom

I received a couple of very disturbing emails from my mother last week. The first one was titled “Having trouble with squirrels in your bird feeder”. When I opened up the message there were four photos that opened with it. In this series of photos it shows:

Photo #1: a bear in a tree looking at a bird feeder hung on a line between the tree he is in and another.

Photo #2: the bear hanging from the line, headed toward the feeder

Photo #3: the bear at the feeder with his paw on it

Photo #4: the bear has wrapped himself around the feeder and is having lunch.

Now you all know me and this whole thing just begs a few questions: What kind of line are they using to hold this feeder, and where can you get it? Who was the fool standing there taking the photos? What the hell was in that feeder? Will the birds or squirrels ever use the feeder again? Is this bear sharing the location with other bears? One morning will the owners wake up to find multiple bears on the line? And will they still be taking pictures?

The second email was Halloween themed. It was of a, I suppose sumo wrestler, sitting bear bottomed on a stool with his big butt cheeks painted like a jack-o-lantern. Now, again, this just begs some questions: Who looked at a butt and thought jack-o-lantern? Who would think they wanted their butt painted orange with a jack face? And, why would that person allow it to be photographed? What kind of person takes pleasure in painting another person’s butt like a jack-o-lantern? And, last but not least, are they going to display this jack-o-lantern on Halloween and where are they going to stick the candle?