Bomber detection

OK, not to beat a dead horse (just where do saying like that come from anyway?) but this whole bombs-on-planes thing and how to prevent it, is just not working for me. I know the government is trying to come up with ways to detect threats and deal with them, but I don’t think they have hit the right balance yet. I’ve decided to throw in a few ideas of my own.

1. Have everyone on a flight put to sleep before they are loaded onto the plane, and do not wake them up until they are taken off the plane. This policy could cure a lot of problems for the airlines, like having to sit on the tarmac, noisy children, rude passengers, etc… No one would care.

2. Make it a requirement that everyone deposit their family as hostages while in flight and they would not be allowed loose until you have deplaned. Those flights to Europe and Asia are going to be hell on the family too.

3. Have everyone fly naked, and then try not to laugh.

4. Make it mandatory that a passenger must sign a legal waiver to their right to any and all virgins. That should dramatically cut back on the men willing to commit suicide.

5. Issue spare shoes and X-ray vision glasses to all persons entering an airport. If you detect a strange item you can then beat any suspected bomb totting flyers with the shoe when you find them. But you know they would buy the cheapest shoes possible so we will be beating terrorist with those paper thin flip-flops you get with a pedicure.

6. Instead of the same old safety lecture that the attendants give, how about a briefing on the most effective ways to take down a terrorist? That should cause some second thoughts.

7. All passengers should be handcuffed to each other, like a long chain. No one could do anything without it being noticed. It would also make potty breaks interesting.

Well, there are seven solid actions that could be taken to cut back on this kind of lunacy. I’m sure TSA is at this moment gearing up to incorporate them all. So be prepared the next time you fly. Of course, you might want to consider the train or bus as an alternative.