Kansas, not exactly what I thought

OK, I knew Kansas would be a little different, but what do you say when Kansas gets weird? "You're not in Kansas anymore" just doesn't fit the occasion.

This morning on the radio I heard the D.J.s do a phone in contest to give away Extreme Midget Wrestling tickets. I mean really, not just midget wrestling, but EXTREME midget wrestling? I don't even want to think what that might involve. And what was the contest you might ask, well you had to guess the age of the Guinness Book of World Record's smallest person, who could walk. This was a man who recently passed away in China. He was 21, a chain smoker and had reached rock star status in his home country. Or, at least according to the D.J.s.

Following this contest, of which there was no shortage of phone-in participants, they went right into their headlines. The headline given the most attention was of a woman who found an unlit cigarette in the bottom of her son's Happy Meal. The D.J. went on to say that MacDonalds had offered the mother a settlement including free meals for the family and money. The mother has refused and is planning a suite against the food chain. Now apparently the D.J.s had a photo of the child, who happens to be a year old. They made a few comments about the mother in choosing to give her 1 year old son a Happy Meal, then went on to describe the child as a "tank". In fact, they spent quite a bit of time discussing the size of this little boy.

Just driving around here in the sticks of Kansas you will notice a lot of things with the word cowboy, spelled with a "K", Kowboy.

Manhattan, Kansas, where I happen to be is the home of Kansas State University, which by all accounts is an excellent school. Their school colors are purple and white, so everywhere you go there are people wearing purple, purple flags, purple dumpsters, purple everything. No ruby slippers, but I'm dead positive that at least one person here owns a pair of purple glitter shoes.

We visited Ft Riley the other day for a childrens' festival and after wards we went to the PX on post. Along the way we noticed a group of what we thought were horses in a field, but turned out to be mules. Apparently Army mules. Who knew they still existed?

While driving through the post, in its more wooded areas, you will see signs that say "Tank Crossing". These signs should be taken seriously. Drivers should slow down or stop and watch for tanks. Tanks always have the right of way. Well, duh!!

Oddly enough I haven't seen a single scarecrow, even though this is big farm country. The radio is filled with ads for crop insurance, farm equipment, and seeds.

So the next time you think about using the pharse, "You're not in Kansas anymore", you might consider if it really fits the situation, because it may more like Kansas then you imagine.

Getting there from here

The daughter, Kristin, has informed me that they will likely be heading to Ft Riley, Kansas at the end of the year. Understandably I’ve been lobbying for Ft Lewis, here in Washington, but Ft Riley should be a better commute to visit. When I asked why they chose Kansas, she said because it was central to all the grandparents and didn’t overly favor one over another. Well, at least they will be closer.

I don’t know about you but 5 hours confined in a plane over nothing but ocean is wearing on my nerves. Not to mention the whole trying to avoid going to the restroom on a plane thing. Which is one of life’s truly torturous, and mentally scaring experiences, second only to wedging your backend into those tiny seats between two people you don’t know and have no desire to get to know. Basically commercial flight is just one big pain that the pharmaceutical companies have invented a cure or treatment for yet.

So the other day I did a Goggle search on Ft Riley and found that it is in the big middle of nowhere. Actually, it might be about 3 miles beyond nowhere. We’re talking 200 miles from Kansas City, and 100 miles from Topeka, no airport!! Still I figured I could fly into Kansas City and do a puddle hopper, or rent a car. So I do a quick check on air fare and schedules. I’m floored! It’s more expensive! I have my choice; I can do a 7 hour layover in Denver, or a 5 hour layover in Denver. I’d be on layover longer than it takes to fly to Hawaii!! Oddly enough, the layovers on the return flights were only an hour. Can anyone explain that?!

So, I thought I’d check Amtrak, 3 days there and 3 days back. Apparently you can’t get to Kansas from here in any reasonable timeframe.

My sister suggested that I contact the Army and see about a high altitude drop. I’m not sure how that would work on the return trip. I remember in the movie The Green Berets they hooked a guy up to a big balloon, had a plane flew over, grabbed the line, and swung him up at high speed. I could probably do the drop, but that kind of return just isn’t going to work for me.

Oddly enough I don’t mind military transport. Granted it’s a completely no-frills kind of ride, you don’t even have conventional seats. The seats are really just butt hammocks hug along the sides. It’s cold, really, really loud, and the windows are too high and small for a view. The trick is to get on bundled up in layers, bring something you can drape over your head and get yourself comfy in the hammock and go to sleep. You wouldn’t think sleeping would be possible with the loud engines, but it’s like having a big fan going at a really high speed, A LOT of white noise. You sleep like a baby. You can also read and if something is funny, you can laugh out loud and no one will mind, because they can’t hear you. You’ll just look like on of those strange people that talk to themselves.